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One Simple Cure

Hey Reader!

As creators, storytellers, artists, or otherwise, we can sit somewhere on the spectrum of pure narcissism to crippling perfectionism. OK, that’s a bit of an oversimplification, but you can either think everything you do is amazing, or nothing you create is ever good enough. And ultimately, all of this can be a sign of lack of self-love or even mental illness. Fun, right?

As I’ve journeyed through my own battle with PTSD, I’ve had a unique discovery. I used to say the words, “I’m a perfectionist.” However, that never really felt true. I was always questing to create better work, but somewhere along the line I got trapped in “perfectionism.”

There’s a difference.

A creative can either explore their process with curiosity, or suffer from perfectionism. I don’t think people are born perfectionists. I think it is a reaction to pain, cruelty, or you know… just the algorithmic overlords of the internet.

Perfectionism is mental illness.

Now what I mean by this is that I would constantly reevaluate the work that I was creating and imagine the reaction of the audience before I ever released it. I would pick apart all of the problems, the duct tape and popsicle sticks holding together my creation, and I would envision the crowd pointing and laughing. Maybe not so melodramatically as all that, but basically. Out of self preservation, before I even released that little bird, that little work of art out into the world, I would rework and rework and rework out of this anxiety that it would be rejected.

I wanted to remove anyone’s ability to mock my creativity. Turns out, that is not how it works. IE: Haters gonna hate, etc.

Case in point, I published a video today. I love this video. It is the second part in a two part series where I talk about many of the lessons I learned making my independent feature film Alien Country. I want indie filmmakers to know this information, and I want to share the fun, educational, and entertaining experience that I had making that movie. However, I have been playing this game long enough to know that the video is over 15 minutes, and YouTube currently likes to serve up content between the 8 to 10 minute mark. So for maximum effectiveness, I probably should have cut this video in half. But after doodling with it for a few hours, I just did not want to.

Perfectionism would have stopped me from posting at all. Instead, I just published the whole video.

Now I still spent the time looking through it, and this is a difference I learned from another YouTuber. (Tim Runia) At what point are you exploring improving your art from a place of curiosity and self improvement, versus deconstructing and reconstructing your art from a phobia that people’s reactions will be unkind if you share it?

That has been the ultimate litmus test for me to determine if my process is healthy or unhealthy. So that is my one simple cure. I ask myself:

Am I working to improve this out of some imagined reaction, or simply because I am curious and enjoying the creative process?

So check it out. I am hoping it gets seen, but it probably will not, and that does not matter too much. I enjoyed making it, and I have a lot more to say and share. Make sure to follow along and let me know if you find this helpful.